My real life experience using listcrawler
Hi everyone, Mark. If you're like me—a newly divorced man wanting to dip his toes in the casual dating waters again—you know how overwhelming it can be. Eight years of marriage (and a pretty nasty breakup thanks to my ex's wandering eye) had left me not wanting anything serious. I just wanted to meet new individuals, get out of the house, and maybe grab a drink or two with someone who wasn't already privy to my whole life story.
My Listcrawler Experience: Pen Pals Galore
I started on listcrawler. It was easy enough—create a profile, fill out some general questions, and go. I was optimistic, even though my profile picture screamed "middle-aged man trying not to look sad."
At first, it was kind of fun. I messaged a couple of women nearby and surprisingly got some replies. Conversations went rather well. I talked with a teacher who liked hiking, a bartender who shared the funniest dog stories, and even with a nurse who was too good for someone like me.
And then. nothing. I mean, there were replies, but whenever I tried to suggest meeting up in person for a coffee or cocktail, the mood shifted. Suddenly, they were busy or not quite in the mood to meet. I started to feel like I was collecting pen friends instead of dating leads.
I'd get the periodic "Hey, how was your day?" text, and don't get me wrong, I love small talk as much as the next woman, but I was hoping for a little better. Weeks went by, and I felt I was trapped in some kind of never-ending cycle of good morning texts and nowhere conversations.
Switching Gears: Time to Skip the Games?
I changed it up and downloaded skip the games. I'd heard good things about it—the whole "women message first" thing was interesting, and I felt it would reduce some of the uncertainty I'd been finding on listcrawler.
The setup was a cinch, and I spent a bit longer on my profile this time. I swapped out the super posed picture for a more laid-back picture of me at a local brewery. I even included a picture of my dog Cooper because who doesn't love a cute dog picture?.
This is where it got interesting. Within the hour, I had a couple of matches, and to my surprise, I got a message immediately. Her name was Sarah. She said something about my dog—cheesy move, but hey, it worked.
The conversation flowed well. She was funny, a bit snarky (which I loved), and above all, she didn't make me feel as if I were pulling teeth in order to maintain the conversation. Following some 20 minutes or so of give-and-take, she invited me to grab a drink with her at a local bar. I couldn't believe it. An actual date—no weeks of talking, no torturous speculation about whether or not she would ever respond with a text.
From App to IRL: The Date
I invited Sarah to a pleasant little bar a block or two from my place. She was as nice in person as she'd been via text. We had a couple of drinks each, exchanged stories, and laughed in great abundance. It was a relief to go out with someone who wasn't hung up on my past—someone who didn't know me but as I was.
I wouldn't call it love at first sight or anything, though. We're just keeping it casual, and that's just what I'm looking for right now. But it was fine. It was fine.
The Takeaway: Sometimes You Just Need to Switch Things Up
Looking back, I don't think Plenty of Fish was ideal for me. I know it works well for a lot of individuals, but I needed a bit more momentum and a bit less small talk. Bumble just worked differently—the built-in push of "women message first" seemed to make things move more quickly, and I didn't feel like I was stuck in a messaging black hole.
If you're in the same situation—recently divorced, not knowing where to start—I'd suggest experimenting with a few different apps. What works for one won't work for another. And if you find yourself stuck with a collection of pen pals, maybe it's time to change gears.
For now, I’m just taking it one day (and one date) at a time. And who knows? Maybe Cooper’s cute face will land me another drink date soon.
